I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
