I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he fucked my hip out of place.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
