He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
