i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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