What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
