1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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