I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
