im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
