he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I party with great urgency now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
