There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
