Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
