dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize