I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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