how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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