she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
