I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
