We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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