He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
