I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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