Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
