I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
