The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
