I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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