oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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