Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
