Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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