You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
