I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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