You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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