Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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