So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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