I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
