Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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