I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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