Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
