Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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