I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
