the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
