Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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