Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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