dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
