I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
