I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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