im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
