I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
