Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
