im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
