i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
