I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
