His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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