You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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