Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
