I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
