Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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