Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize