wat bout pragnant strippers??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
