part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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