I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
