I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
