I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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