3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
