Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize