She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
