so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
