And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
