Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I want is dick and wine.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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