No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
