why didn't you poke me back
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
