I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
