I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
