I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
