I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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