I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
