i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
